Grong A documentary
by Son-Of-The-Hunter
Summary: Meet Grong, a lizardman who moves in with Strongbad. Strongbad really hates him. Hilarity ensues. Rated PG for Mild Language and Ridiculous Violence
1. Enter Grong and Pizza with Marzipan

Chapter 1

Many Meetings and Pizza with Marzipan

Disclaimer: Homestar Runner is totally the creation of the Brothers Chaps. Grong, is my character and just is created for the story.

Grong walked up to Strongbad's house. He looked like a giant lizard. He wore a red shirt and blue jeans that were custom made just for his tail. Anyways Grong walked up onto the porch and rang the doorbell. The familiar face of Strongbad peeked through the screen door. He asked "Who the crap are you?"

.Grong put down his suitcase and said "I am Grong. I lived in a cardboard box with my laptop and would earn money getting bottles and giving them to bubs. He would always say something about a pyramid of them or something like that."

Strongbad looked mad as usual. "Go back to your box Chong or whatever your name was…"

Just then Strongsad walked by. He looked up and saw Strongbad ragging on Grong. "Oh! You're here! Come in, come in."

Strongbad looked at Strongsad, then Grong, then Strongsad again. "Strongsad?"

"Um, well. I was IM-ing Grong on the internet last night and well, I invited him to stay with us."

Strongbad looked really mad. "HEY! WHERE THE CRAP IS MY COMPUTER!"

Strongsad looked down. "If you are wondering about the matters of the computer, I moved your computer desk down next to the trogdor game."

"Hey my lappy, is easy to move, but what about the desk?"

"I got it down, but then Homsar lost his grip and it ran me over. While I was lying there, he said something like 'That sofa turned on you Rhinoceros!'."

Strongbad laughed then said "Now that was something I should see."

The three walked into the house. At that very moment, the leaves were beginning to fall off the trees. Fall had officially begun.

Grong was bundled up for the cold winter as he walked down Main Street. He was just coming back from his job at the local bookstore. Marzipan and Homestar were walking in the opposite direction. Grong looked up and saw them. Marzipan noticed him and said "Hey, I remember you! You were that guy at the bookstore!"

Grong said "Right. I'm going out to lunch."

Marzipan asked "Do you mind if we joined you? I want to learn more about you."

"No not at all, in fact I'd love some company."

Homestar shouted "WOW I love coffee!"

The three walked down the street to the pizza parlor. They got a booth near the window. Homestar was playing the 'space invaders' game that was from experimental film. Grong and Marzipan were talking. "So that's why I never saw you until recently." Marzipan said.

"Right. The people at the cyber café were nice to me so they would let me connect for free."

"Wow."

"Yes I know. In my philosophy there are three kinds of people, those who are kind and care for others; like you" Marzipan blushed. "then there are the people who try to attack others if things don't go their way, like Strongbad and then there are people who are complete idiots, like Homsar."

Marzipan started to laugh.

Grong started up again "Have you ever been to his 'concerts'?"

Marzipan shook her head.

"Well he has some really weird music on, and then the rest of us go around hugging trees. It's quite odd. I think its some kind of a 'new age' religion."

Marzipan laughed really hard.

"I wasn't joking."

Marzipan started to calm down. "I know."

Just then the waitress came back with each of their orders. Grong had a chicken Caesar salad. Marzipan had the same, only without the chicken. Homestar just had a pizza. Homestar finished his quickly and charged it to his credit card, adding 17.20 to his enormous debt.

Homestar went back to his game and Marzipan and Grong resumed their conversation. "You know, I try not to eat meat very often. It gives me bad gas." Grong said.

"I'm a vegetarian so I don't eat meat." said Marzipan.

"Oh that's nice. I can eat it every once and a while, like thanksgiving. For some reason though, if I have it in a salad it doesn't hurt me."

"That's very odd."

Marzipan and Grong continued to talk. Outside the gentle snow began to come down harder. Soon everything would be covered by a white blanket.

* * *

Meanwhile at Strongbads house.

Strongbad was laying on the couch in a drunken daze. There were bottles of cold ones strewn about the basement. _I've got to get rid of this guy _he thought. Suddenly, Strongmad came down, "CHEAT, MISSING!"

Strongbad made an attempt to sit up, but fell back down afterwards. He meant to say:"Strongmad, go ask Strongsad will help you." But it came out more like "Strongmadgoakstornsadhellhepyou"

Strongmad had a look of utter confusion on his face. He walked away.

A while later, Strongbad sobered up. He decided to do a TGS to take his mind off of Grong. It went pretty much like another one but as he was re-reading it, Grong appeared and saved everybody from their demise, then went on a date with cheerleader.

"What the," Strongbad said as he was reading. "What, huh, hey! HOLY FREAKIN CRAP!" He tore the paper to shreds. His voice echoed through the house..


	2. The somewhat dangerous lizardman

Chapter 2

Grong vs. Strongbad

It was the middle of the night. Slowly, across Strongbads living room, a shadow crept around. At that same time Grong had gotten up to get a drink of water. The shadow entered Grong's bedroom. The shadow stared at the dry erase calendar for the month of February. He looked at the thumbtack board that had assignments, pictures, and paychecks. The shadow looked at Grong's laptop, which was flashing in standby. He then looked at the bed. The shadow took out a knife and began stabbing the bed like a ringwraith.

At that moment, Grong came back into the room and saw a shadow stabbing his bed. Instantly Grong turned on the light. He then saw Strongbad stabbing his futon with a knife.

Grong whipped around into a spinning jump kick. His legs wrapped around Strongbads neck and threw him to the ground. Strongbad fumbled to get his knife. He got back up swinging. Grong backfilpped into the wall, and pushed back as a lizardman torpedo and landed right in Strongbads gut. He dropped his knife and clutched his stomach in pain.

Grong picked it up and pocketed it. "I wouldn't try that again any time soon." He said. Strongbad fell on his face and became unconscious. A loud voice came out of nowhere: **KO! Perfect!** Grong looked around to find the voice, and then picked up Strongbad. He went into the basement and tossed him on the couch. Grong went back to his room and locked the door.

The next morning Strongbad was bruised all over. Grong didn't say anything. Strongbad was mumbling something about Grong being a son of a bitch, but other than that breakfast. Just then Grong broke the silence. "I had an unsettling night last night. Apparently" he looked over at Strongbad "somebody doesn't want me here. I can say that if these events don't stop, I'll do something much worse than bruise you." With that, Grong left the room.

* * *

A few hours later, Grong was walking through the park. He wanted to take the scenic route and look at natures wonder. He stopped by a statue of the town's founder. Grong walked over and read the plaque on it. Behind the marble block it was on, Strongbad and Strongmad were plotting another attack. "Okay big bro, you go to create a diversion, and then I'll come behind him. We'll catch him in a pincer tactic. He won't be able to attack."

"I WILL DO MY-"Strongmad yelled.

"Shhh!"

"SORRY"

"Never mind. Just go."

Grong looked up just to see Strongmad jumping at him. He bent over to crouch and charged up a powerful blow. His clenched fists glowed red, flaring with energy. When Strongmad got to his chokepoint, Grong struck. It was a lightning fast movement and passed right through Strongmad's crotch region. He howled in pain and fell to the ground before he could have even yelled a battle cry. He tried to catch his breath but failed. Strongmad departed into unconsciousness.

Before Strongbad could see if Strongmad was doing his part of the job, a fist plowed into his face. The surprise of the hit and the force toppled him instantly. Before Strongbad also was KOed he heard Grongs voice "Try that again, and I will pull off your mask!" A wave of fear flowed over Strongbad as he fell unconscious.

* * *

Strongbad woke up, or kind of woke up. He was floating in a blue liquid that looked like water. When he tried to breathe, he took in oxygen. He swam around until he found some solid ground. It was a perfect circle. Just as he regained his balance a figure appeared. It was Grong. Strongbad jumped at him but Grong moved away. His legs diddint move, but his body did. A trail of a blurred version of Grong's body showed his path.

Strongbad tried again, and got some luck. He grabbed a part of his shirt and stopped his movement. He took out a mean looking dagger and thrust it into Grong. His blood poured out, stinging like acid on Strongbad. Melting away his body. Melting away his **soul**.

Strongbad cried out in pain and woke up. A bunch of doctors tried to calm him saying "Mr. Bad please control yourself." Slowly, Strongbad regained his consciousness and thought. _It was_ just_ a dream he thought. Just a dream._ He felt a sharp needle stick his arm, and he fell unconscious again. He fell back into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

Grong was eating over at marzipans one night. Marzipan was rushing between there and the kitchen. Homestar was lying on the couch sleeping with a spilled cold one on the floor. The drink had caused a stain in the carpet. When Marzipan saw this she was horrified at the stain but Grong said he could clean it up later.

About afterahalf hour of cleaning, it was time for dinner. It was Marzipans favorite: Boca burgers. Homestar took a bite but spat it back out and went for the salad. Grong and Marzipan were eating their burgers ferociously. Homestar just stared at his plate. Grong said "You know, Strongbad is very aggressive towards me."

Marzipan answered "Well, you did move in without his permission. It was his house."

Homestar looked up. He stood up and said "Drinks all around!" he belched and left the room. He looked back and said "Hey Mawzipan, Strongbad is here?"

Marzipan gasped and said "Don't let him in!"

Homestar called back "Come on in, I was just about to get a cold one."

Strongbad leapt in and jumped on Grong. He was so surprised to see him that he accidentally grabbed a fork instead of a knife. Grong made a few fake moves to attack. Strongbad flinched on all of them. Finally he tired of the useless battle and stabbed him in the arm. Strongbad sighed, pulled out the fork and threw it across the room. "It's no fun fighting you anymore."

Grong made a motion and Marzipan reluctantly put the tablecloth over Strongbad. Grong tied the knot and threw the bag in front of Strongbads house. He put a tag on it that said 'To Strongsad, you will know what to do'. He rang the doorbell and ran like heck back to Marzipans.

As Grong walked in he hung up his jacket. Marzipan put it back on him. "You will need to go back for your stuff." She said.

"Why! I had a home!" He yelled. With that he fell on his knees and began to cry. "I could've made something of my life!" Marzipan hushed him.

"You can stay here. I have an extra bedroom."

Grong looked up. A small smile came across his face. "Really?"

"Really."

"Then I'll call Strongsad so he can get my stuff ready for me and –" Marzipan opened a door to his room and all his stuff was there.

Grong was totally amazed! "What the- How did you-" All of a sudden Marzipan leaned over and began to kiss him. All of a sudden, Grong realized why he had really been asked to come here. He slowly began to give in to the power of the kiss. There was no turning back now. At that moment, a voice was heard in the kitchen. The perfect moment ended. The red background with all the hearts and flowers faded.

It was Homestar. "Hey Marzipan, do you have any cold ones?"

Marzipan, angry from the loss of the perfect kiss, said "Oh it's in the fridge in the basement!"

Marzipan looked back up; she said "Where were we?"

The flowery background came up again and they resumed the make out. Nothing could separate them now. Except Homestar.


	3. Deeping Relationships

Chapter 3

Grong and Marzipan

Grong woke up around 7:00. He was going to make a special breakfast for Marzipan. He made about 5 pancakes, a bowl of fresh fruit and fresh squeezed orange juice. Grong crept into her room. Marzipan never stirred. Grong had approximately 30 seconds. Her alarm would go off at 8:00.

The buzzing noise of the alarm woke up Marzipan. Using an invisible hand, she turned off the alarm and got up. Her eyes grew re-accustomed to the light and she saw Grong holding the tray and smiling. "Happy whatever!" He said and placed the huge breakfast on her bed.

"Oh Grong!" Marzipan exclaimed. Grong sat down on the bed right next to her. She was eating the breakfast quite quickly. At 8:15 she finished her breakfast and Grong took the tray away from her. He placed it on the floor. Marzipan had a grin on her face.

Grong leaned in, almost kissing close and said "Now, for dessert." They began making out. The kisses were more passionate now. Grong lived for them, they were a drug, and he was addicted to it. They also were poison. Grong knew that Homestar would still hang around with Marzipan. But now that wouldn't matter. The poison spread and they grew more intimate.

Little did they know that there was a familiar face at the window. Homestar was looking in the room and saw their situation. Or I should say he saw the last seconds of it. Fortunately, Homestar is an idiot and didn't think that anything was happening between them. _Grong probably tripped and fell next to her. _Homestar rang the doorbell. Grong answered it. His shirt was open and his muscular chest was exposed.

"Hi Homestar!" He said.

"Hey Chong! Is Mawzipan there?" He asked.

"Yeah, one second."

Grong hurried over to Marzipans room, and got her. Homestar was in the living room and was looking at some sculpture. He reached out to get a better look at it and it fell onto the floor and broke in half. He opened some random drawer and put the halves in there.

Marzipan walked in. Her hair was a mess. Grong followed her. Homestar walked over and said "I was in the neighborhood and was-"

Marzipan stopped putting her hair back to normal. "Homestar, you live across the street from me."

"Yeah I know. I came because you invited me for thanksgiving dinner and here I am!"

Marzipan finished her hair and said "Well, dinner isn't until five, why don't you go see a movie?"

Homestar was out the door before Marzipan finished the sentence. Marzipan looked at Grong lovingly. She got closer to him and he put his arm around her. "I already got the tofu turkey." He said. Then the day of cooking began.

A couple of hours later, Homestar returned. He found the key that was under the empty flowerpot in Marzipans front porch. He opened the door. Marzipan and Grong had already sat down and were making small talk.

Homestar sat down. "Sorry I'm late, they were showing the lord of the rings, all three of the movies at once." he said.

Marzipan said "Well, that's okay. Lets say grace."

"Okay, Grace!" Grong and Marzipan looked at Homestar angrily.

Marzipan said "I am thankful for all of the cute little creatures and being able to be close to those who love you and care for you."

Grong finished. "I also am thankful for being close to those who care for you and are able to love them and I am thankful for just life in general. Oh, and I am thankful that Strongbad hasn't attacked us lately."

"Hear hear!" Marzipan said.

They ate the imitation turkey and sat and drank wine around the fire. Around eight or so, Homestar suddenly fell asleep. Grong, taking advantage of the situation snuggled up with Marzipan and held her. They kissed and they talked. All of a sudden, the window broke and a masked figure stepped in through the hole.

Grong got up, standing defiantly as if he was asking to come and get him. The figure had a huge head and wore two boxing gloves. Grong knew who it was. He jumped up and attacked. He wrapped his legs against the figures neck and pulled him down. The character stood up just in time for Grong to punch him across the room. He was knocked against the wall, and fell unconscious.

Grong slowly crept over to see if it really was Strongbad. He pulled off the mask and all that was there was a robotic skull. It was a robot! Grong knew what happened and walked outside into the storm.

Strongbad was crouched behind the bushes with a remote control in his hands. Actually, it looked like a gameboy. Strongbad said "What the? CRAP!"

He turned around and saw Grong standing in front of him. Grong picked him up and punched him in the face, knocking him a couple of feet away from Grong. Grong stepped forwards. "This is your last chance. Next time, I won't hold back. Leave me alone, or suffer the consequences."

Strongbad got up and stumbled into the snowy night. Fearing what would happen.


	4. The End For Now

Chapter 4

The Final Straw

Grong slept peacefully. After the thanksgiving incident (see chapter 3) he had trouble thinking, but he was able to get good nights sleep. Marzipan stirred. She woke up and was hungry. She got up, put on a robe and walked to the refrigerator. She noticed it was open a crack. Cautiously, she opened the door. In it was The Cheat! The cheat was eating Homestar J.R. and had a headset on. Marzipan screamed.

Grong woke up with a jolt. He rushed out of bed and noticed the cheat sitting there trying to get Marzipan to shut up. Grong ran over and kicked the cheat so hard he flew out the window. Whatever he was muttering, it probably said "_Looks like the cheat is blasting off again!_"

Grong hugged Marzipan and told her that everything was going to be all right. _That sandwich was getting old. Was the meat on that thing green with fur?_ he thought. Grong stomped on the radio that The Cheat was using to communicate with Strongbad.

Strongbad uttered "Crap!" and ended the program on his computer. He had been using the program to monitor Grong. Strongbad thought he heard a door slam. He snuck upstairs and saw that it was just Strongsad. He blew a sigh of relief and walked back downstairs. Strongbad looked over at Homsar. Homsar was wearing a top hat and had one of those canes that British people walk around with. He said in his high-pitched voice "Well, of to Wimbledon Reggie!" Strongbad flipped him off. _Crap, this Grong guy is messing everything up._

Strongsad pulled off his mask. It was Grong! He said to Homsar "Thanks for the Strongsad costume Homsar."

Homsar returned "Why thank you T. Rex. It was my pleasure."

Grong walked down the basement stairs and saw Strongbad passed out on the couch with a cold one in his hand. Grong put a hand on Strongbads mouth and he woke up instantly. Grong picked him up by the neck and held him up to the same level as he was. Grongs anger was so hot that you could feel it in the room. Strongbad struggled to escape Grong, but it wasn't helping. Grong tossed him down on the floor and kicked him.

Strongbad awoke feeling bruised all over. He clutched his stomach, and staggered over to the computer. There was a note from Grong on the screen.

_Strongbad:_

_Because of you being such a jerk, I have tired of it. I will take back all the things I bought and I'm leaving soon._

Grong walked back to Marzipans house, it was silent. Marzipan greeted him with a simple kiss. "We have to get ready to go. We can live out of state until Strongbad forgets me." Grong said.

Marzipan nodded her head and said ever so softly "but we have one problem." she nodded her head towards the couch and Grong went over to it. Homestar was sleeping on the couch, a cold one was spilled on the rug. Grong looked and said "I can get the stain out."

Marzipan shook her head and said "No, not that, at least not now."

Grong picked up Homestar and took him to his house. He taped a note to Homestar's couch and snuck out. Grong and Marzipan packed their things and left.

Homestar woke up and found the note.

It also read:

_Homestar, this is Marzipan_

_I had to go to Arkansas because my great uncle Pawdabber has died. I also heard that he left me his entire estate, so I probably wont be around. Don't go looking for me. _

Homestar tossed the note away and walked over to his fridge. He took out a couple of cold ones. He began to drink as he watched Saturday night live.

Later that weekend he had Pom-Pom, Bubs, and Coach Z over for poker. SO far Homestar had won about 25. They were chatting about politics and other stuff. Out of nowhere Homestar said "Hey bubs, I'll bet this house if you bet me that car of yours."

Bubs answered "Why?"

"Because, I want a car!"

"Whatever." _He's going to go after Marzipan._

Homestar dealt his hand, and begin to cry. They continued the round of poker until they had to show their cards. Bubs patted Homestar on the back, who was drying his eyes. Bubs said "Its okay, you don't have to give me your house."

Coach Z said "Yeargh! You don't harve to give me your hourse."

Homestar placed his hand down on the table, revealing a royal flush.

Bubs fell down out of surprise. Homestar said, now no longer crying "How's that for a poker face?"

Homestar got a drivers license and drove away, going to find Marzipan.

Epilogue:

Marzipan and Grong got married and had three kids.

Homestar was last seen driving towards Arkansas.

Strongsad finally got the Nobel peace prize.

Strongbad was placed in an insane asylum for rolling on the floor constantly saying "Lizard-men, lizard-men. . ."

And finally, The Cheat came down around Seattle. He is trying to get back home.

The End.


End file.
